August 18, 2026
Should I Get Back with my Ex?
Breakups are tough. Sometimes, after the dust settles and emotions start to calm down, you might find yourself wondering, “Should I get back together with my ex?” It’s normal to have mixed feelings and questions when you’re still thinking about someone you were once close to.
Before you make any big decisions, it’s important to consider your emotions carefully. Reuniting with an ex can seem like the solution to the pain of separation, but it’s also worth thinking about the reasons why you broke up in the first place.
Here are some important things to think about when deciding whether or not to get back together with your ex.
Why Did You Break Up in the First Place?
Before even considering getting back together, think about why you broke up in the first place. Did you two grow apart, or was there a specific issue—like trust, communication, or respect—that led to the breakup?
If the breakup happened because of something that wasn’t fixable, like major trust issues, domestic violence, abuse, or constant arguments, getting back together is not the best idea. It’s important to ask yourself if things can really change, or if the same problems will keep happening.
On the other hand, if you two broke up due to circumstances outside of the relationship (like distance, timing, or personal growth and readiness), there may be a chance that things could work out differently this time around.
Have You Both Changed?
People grow and change over time. Sometimes, a breakup happens because both people were in different places emotionally or mentally. If both you and your ex have grown or learned from the breakup, it’s possible that things could be better if you got back together.
However, if one or both of you haven’t changed in ways that would improve the relationship, it could end up being just like it was before—and that could lead to more hurt.
Do You Both Want the Same Things?
When thinking about getting back together with an ex, it’s important to ask: Do you both want the same things now? Relationships can only work if both people are on the same page about what they want.
If one of you is looking for something more serious while the other wants to keep it casual, or if your goals and values don’t align anymore, it might be a sign that getting back together isn’t the right move. Make sure you’re both clear on what you want before moving forward.
Are You Reuniting for the Right Reasons?
It’s natural to miss someone after a breakup, especially if you had a deep connection. Likewise, the pull that comes from sexual chemistry and the rush of dopamine and oxytocin that those encounters bring can be pretty powerful. But it’s important to be honest with yourself about why you want to get back together. Are you lonely, craving familiarity, or are you truly excited about the idea of being together again (and all the positive and negative that might come with that)?
Reuniting with an ex can sometimes feel comforting in the short term, but it’s important that the reason you’re considering it is about wanting a healthy, happy relationship—not just filling a temporary void.
How Did the Breakup Affect You?
Think about how the breakup made you feel. Did it leave you totally heartbroken, or did you feel relieved and stronger after time apart? Sometimes, after the emotions from a breakup settle down, you realize that breaking up was very much the right decision.
If you felt happier and more at peace after the breakup, getting back together might not be the best choice. But if you’ve done some soul-searching and feel like your relationship was an important part of your life and brought significant growth, it’s worth thinking about how you might move forward in a healthier way (thought this might not mean rekindling your romance).
Can You Forgive?
If the breakup was caused by hurt feelings or mistakes, it’s important to ask yourself if you can truly forgive your ex—and if they can forgive you. Holding on to past hurt can prevent a relationship from moving forward. If you’re going to get back together, it’s important to let go of old hurts and be ready to work together as a team.
How Will Getting Back Together Affect Your Mental and Emotional Health?
Your mental and emotional health should always be a priority. Before deciding whether to get back together with an ex, think about how it will affect your well-being. Will you feel safe, happier, more confident, and supported in the relationship? Or will you end up feeling anxious, unsure, or even worse than before?
Sometimes, relationships can bring more stress or drama than benefit, and that’s something to really consider.
Talk About It Openly
Finally, one of the most important things to do is have an honest conversation with your ex. Talk openly about what went wrong in the relationship, what you both need now, and what would need to change if you were to give it another try. Communication is key to making any relationship work, and it’s especially important when you’re considering getting back together. You might benefit from practicing this conversation with a trusted friend, or a qualified therapist or counselor first as a way of sorting out your feelings, thoughts, and potential reasons for rekindling your relationship.
Conclusion
Deciding whether or not to get back together with an ex can be super complicated. It’s natural to have mixed emotions, but it’s important to think carefully about your reasons and whether or not it’s the right decision for both of you. Take your time, talk openly, and most importantly, do what’s best for you and the life that you want to create.
